Eyedonkulous!

So, Q has a prescription but the doc said not to bother filling it yet. He said to let him enjoy this year (as if having glasses is so terrible) and then also said "Do you have him in speech therapy?" This was last summer when Q still said his th sounds as s (someSing instead of someTHing). ANYWAY, uh, you are an EYE doctor, dude. No, I do not have him in speech therapy (he wasn't in kindergarten yet) and might get him tested in kindy...but no. Anyway, the more I thought about it, the more pissed I got. He is not a speech expert and why did he say it that way right in front of Q etc. So I decided never to go back to him. NEVER. Give me your opinion when you are qualified to give it or I ask you for it. Don't say it in front of my child, either, like he is doing someSING wrong.

ANYHOOO... Q's eyes have worsened. I have a great deal of evidence that is boring to back this, but I know it is time to get him the glasses. BUT my intuition (which I swear is ALWAYS right with Q...not Addy, but Q, yes) tells me that the prescription, although only six months old is out of date.

So I call to get a new appt at the doc office and they say I HAVE TO have that doc be Q's doc now because he did the first exam. What? Isn't that ridonkulous? Can't I choose my own doc? Is this suddenly an HMO? I get kind of agitated...I mean, give me a different doc...you have plenty there.

SO...now that I have said this to them, even if they will give me a new doc which they will tell me tomorrow because the office manager was out...I will now be treated like a nutcase when I go there now. So I need a new doc.

And I needed to vent.

Mother of the Year: A play in one act.

Okay, picture this:

Setting: K-Mart in Kent.
Characters: Breanna with Quinton and Addison past naptime without a bottle for Addison and without a cart for Breanna who has her arms full of sweatpants and shirts for Quinton because she can't find them ANYWHERE else in the whole CITY and didn't expect to find them at KMart, but did.

Scene opens with Addison running screaming, "Bro, bro! Catch me! Catch me!" as her brother chases her through around and over clothing racks in Kmart.

Cut to frazzled mom searching for navy blue sweatpants in size small. "Damn! Are these black or blue?" (FYI, they were both black and I bought them both!)

Suddenly aware her children are being obnoxious...

Mom: Come on kids, let's go look at backpacks.

Kids and mom meander to backpacks placed inconveniently near the toy section where Kai Lan dolls are luring the small girl into a stupor.

Mom: Come ON, Addy.

Addy goes down the wrong aisle on purpose. Quinton and mom go opposite ways to trap her...you get the picture. This goes on throughout the backpack arena. Mom grabs small girl's hand. This sets off WWIII. Mom lets go of hand so as to not cause more of a scene and saunters toward check out stand before meltdown reaches epic proportions.

Addy: I want BOTTLE.
Mom: We will get it back at grandma's house.
Addy: I WANT BOTTLE! (girl throws herself forward to floor in front of mother)
Mother steps over small body and moves forward without looking back knowing her Klingon child will follow. Mother also hopes that the small child will not dart down the aisle directly to their right which holds glistening displays of Martha Stewart Everyday Glassware.

Enter unfortunate sixty year old woman KNOWITALL OBSERVER.

KNOWITALL OBSERVER: "Don't do that!"
Mother of small daughter turns to KNOWITALL OBSERVER and shoots her a "you talking to ME?" look.
KNOWITALL OBSERVER: "She's just tired!"

Mother of small children with arms full of sweatpants and hoodies turns to KNOWITALL OBSERVER. Mother then rashly decides to turn and approach KNOWITALL OBSERVER with fury in her eyes that possibly is misplaced aggression.
Mom: "YOU DO NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO TELL ME HOW TO PARENT MY CHILDREN!" (yes, this was said loud enough to be in all caps and turn heads)
Mother follows KNOWITALL OBSERVER for two aisles.
Mom: "No, don't buy that. Don't even look at it. I don't think that is a wise buy. And don't look at that sales flyer in your cart because impulse buys are always most rewarding anyway. I really think you should listen to my advice because I really do know so very much about everything. Do you appreciate my advice that you didn't ask for?"

Meanwhile, children are trailing behind mother, bewildered. Mother comes to senses and realizes she needs to go before she has security called on her.

Mother walks to register immediately and begins paying for merchandise.
Addy: I-WANT-BOTTLE!!
Quinton: Can I have chapstick. PULEEEEASE? I really NEED it.
Mom stares at Jon and Kate Plus 8 headline and ponders buying magazine to escape.

As we exit store, KNOWITALL OBSERVER is unfortunate enough to encounter us once again.

Mom: "Goodbye mother of the year."

Exit.

Lights dim

Billy Joel and Elton John (a kidless night!)

So Elton John and Billy Joel played the Key Arena last night, February 6, 2010. It was a concert that was postponed from November 2009 because of Elton John's e-coli illness. This was to be my birthday gift, so this was a great lesson in delayed gratification for this usually impatient Scorpio.


So, just how was it? Elton was a pussy not to even say a BLOODY WORD to us! Not even HELLO SEATTLE! I mean, we rescheduled to see him. He was lame. I mean, it was OKAY, but was a freaking diva. He might as well call himself Barbara Streisand, Judy Garland, Cher, Madonna and the Queen of England. That was horrible. I mean, he said hello only to Billy Joel after he said hello to him first.

Billy Joel is awesome. That was my fifth BJ concert at least. He is very, very, very solid as an entertainer. He does and says the same thing every time ("Hello to everyone over in (points to the nosebleed seats) Spokane up there!") but they work! He also plays the same exact songs all the time, but THEY work as well. He is a fan of the if it's not broke, don't fix it mantra.

I thought a couple of Elton's songs were sleepers. Even the most hyper Elton fans (and you know there were some reallllllllly into Elton fans there) sat down through them. Now we had great seats BEHIND the stage. They rocked. BUT my SIL was somewhere else and she said that they were flashing rainbows and flamingos during some of Elton's songs....uh, hello! If you are flamboyant enough to have those flashing you can at least address your fans! I did like his Island Girl tux jacket....but he didn't sing it! Boo!

BJ is still rock and roll. Still hoofing it around the country and making us happy. Way to go BJ. I don't look to see them touring again. I think Elton needs to stand still and be propped up in Vegas on his diva throne. He didn't seem well to me. I think he is ill or something still. The last BJ EJ concert we went to EJ forgot his words at least three times and BJ had to pull him out by singing for him. They had a LARGE teleprompter with the words this time. So, overall , loved it. I don't know that I need to see Elton again, but I would if he came with BJ again.

My little brother was either tired or unimpressed or both because he fell asleep during a few of BJ's songs, but he definitely woke up later!

We stumbled our way to Chopstix afterward with my SIL and brother and two of their friends from Littlerock/Olympia (aka not city folk). They loved it so much. They thought Seattle was the coolest. We closed the place down. My brother got drunk and danced all night.

My SIL bought a chopstix shirt and posed with all the staff for photos and was excited that women were telling her she was hot. (She actually is pretty hot...doing that new incredo workout where you work out three hours a day). She also got angry because they wouldn't play a Meatloaf song for her, so she set out on a mission to get back at them by stealing all their golf pencils on the tables set out for writing down requests. I think she pocketed four of them. That will show them to play Meatloaf next time!

On our way back down 1st Avenue North I saw about three piles of puke. I am guessing that the Billy Joel/Elton John crowd no longer know how to handle their liquor?

Then we walked by DICKS burgers and her friend FREAKED out because it is in a SirMixAlot song so she wanted her photo taken by DICKS. After that, they went in and flirted with young, cute cops in line at Dicks and just had a blast. I drove them safely back to their hotel and left them to eat their first Dick's burgers...of course they love Seattle! It is the perfect way to end a night of drinking and dancing.

Ended the evening in bed, eating our Dicks burgers (Josh ate three and I ate half of one) watching Man vs. Food. By the way, Josh swears he could win every Man vs. Food competition. It is so annoying. He also thinks he could win a ton of reality game shows. But that is for another time.

So, yeah, I liked the concert. It felt like college, only with wrinkles!>